When to kill an old dog 2
Interesting, after some other disagreement, meeting again this evening to discuss Jeannie situation. B. struggling with the feeling and emotion of hating to kill Jeannie, as she keeps calling it, and both of us seeing that even the trip back up north, two days of shuttling about, will be putting her through more than she deserves at this end point in her life. We took some pictures of her riding in her 'walker'
and 'walking' in her sling.
Very U shaped. Hardly any muscle tone. And becoming more incontinent. More maybe I suspect than B. is mentioning. So it looks like the decision is emerging - that she goes on Friday... middle of the day I hope. Leaving us time to try to deal with the feelings before we have to travel.
Curious, but perhaps not surprising, how sharply this points up what we believe - the notion that 'she has to show us when she is ready to go'. While very appealing, and the line we have held to for months, this seems likely, if held to too literally, to mean making 'her' wait until 'we' are satisfied. And as I realize even more strongly, to have a pet is to enter into a culture of domination, since we legally have the right to take her life, and even I suppose, since she is our 'property', the duty to do so when it is appropriate.
It seems so 'either or'. Such a huge, immeasurable difference between a dog even a little bit alive, and a dog lifeless. And yet we seem to have reached a point where the caring for the delightful companion, now weakened to the point of complete incapacity, but occasionally full of heart, is outweighed by the need to accept responsibility for the human side of the companionship. That however we construe it, keeping her alive now perhaps tips towards being for us, not her. Tough. Awkward. Ethically challenging. Painful.